How to keep the relationship alive during the toddler years - five invaluable tips
Lack of sleep, non-existent sex life and conversations mostly about... let's say, less intellectually stimulating topics than before. According to Statistics Sweden, 30 percent of all Swedish parents of young children separate. 90% at least think the thought at some point, we guess.
Keeping the relationship alive during the toddler years is difficult - but not impossible.
1. Socialize more
Finding time for each other outside of everyday toddler life can provide that little much-needed glimpse of being more than parents together. Maybe schedule a midweek lunch date, go bowling or just take a walk with take-away coffee. Or something else you enjoyed doing as a couple, before you had children. And tip, try to talk about something other than children, if possible.
2. Socialize less
Own time, the mirage of childhood years on the horizon. But it is important to try to achieve and to give each other. An hour a week anyway? Being able to hang out with friends, exercise or just go out in the woods for a while by yourself can do the trick for a relationship.
3. More talk
Communication is essential for all relationships - but it becomes especially important when patience and stamina are at their peak. What are our expectations of life right now? Do they need to be adjusted? Do we want different things, and what do we appreciate in each other? Sprinkle in praise and kindness, and be open about your needs, what you appreciate and what you lack. Most regions also have subsidized family therapy – if you find it difficult to find ways to talk to each other without arguments or blame games, try a couple of times to invest in the relationship and get tools to make it work better.
4. More workshop
Talking is silver, doing is gold. It's easy to promise each other to be better at appreciating each other in everyday life, but oh so hard to follow through. But let both be tasked with doing three concrete things for each other in the next month – initiate a date, book something fun, buy flowers, give a massage or a sleepover with breakfast in bed. Write a cute little note, send a text or give a hug. Those small - and big - actions in everyday life are invaluable putty in a relationship.
5. Stop having sex (maybe)
Sex life, or the lack of it, is one of the most common reasons why relationships break down during the toddler years. Here, too, it is important to TALK about it. Boring or stiff for many but necessary. Maybe someone longs for closeness and physical confirmation, while others have a little baby like a Band-Aid around the clock and instead need to have their body alone. Arranged because one feels rejected and the other gets irritated. Maybe one needs more physical closeness in the form of hugs and kisses to feel seen, while the other needs a little relaxation and alone time? For example.
Often it is the expectations that set the wheels in motion. Maybe a solution could be to agree not to have sex at all for two weeks (or a month) – a classic ploy to relax and maybe actually get a little horny, when you know it's off the table.
Regardless, it is usually temporary - there are extremely few who have a fun, wonderful and lively sex life during the toddler years. Remind yourselves and each other of that.
